c. 1996 Religion News Service

(Body & Soul is a regular column exploring the interplay between spirituality and psychology. Pythia Peay is the author of the forthcoming”Putting America on the Couch,”to be published by Riverhead Books.)

UNDATED _ Each Christmas season, the frosty, gilt-edged air brings to mind memories of childhood: my mother’s voice lulling me to sleep with her own version of the Santa Claus story; my father’s custom of taking us out to feed the farm animals scraps of holiday dinner; the late-night breakfasts following midnight Mass.

More than any gifts I ever received, these homey rituals left lasting impressions.

In fact, it is the repetition of such seemingly small acts that create the kind of memorable rituals and ceremonies that last a lifetime.

Especially during Christmas, people yearn to feel connected to tradition. For many, it is a time to try to put aside worries about the future to allow the continuity of our familial and religious traditions a place in our harried lives.

Yet in a time when both organized religion and the family are undergoing far-reaching changes, it is increasingly difficult to know which rituals possess the power to move our souls _ and which are simply mindless repetitions of meaningless acts that have their roots in consumer culture rather than authentic spiritual or cultural tradition.

Part of the confusion surrounding holiday rituals, says John Gillis, professor of history at Rutgers University, is that we tend to think of them as dating back to some mythic golden past. But, he says, our”so-called timeless rituals and customs are very recent in origin.” Before the mid-19th century, says Gillis, who is the author of”A World of Their Own Making”(Basic Books), family celebrations of Christmas were very different from today’s. Christmas as we now know it, he says, is largely a product of Victorian times.

Beset by an industrial revolution and a massive crisis of belief, people of the 19th century began to turn inward to families for sustenance they used to derive from others in public worship. What had been for centuries a communal, spiritual celebration of the birth of Jesus, Gillis says,”was reinvented in the form of domesticated religiosity.” Charles Dickens’ lovely family rituals _ the family reunions, the figgy pudding, the roasted goose _ were in fact the creation of his fictive imagination, Gillis writes. Such sentimental scenes reflected Dickens’ belief that family might succeed where religion had failed to stabilize a society in turmoil.

Knowing that many of the customs of modern-day Christmas are recent innovations doesn’t necessarily render them meaningless. Rather, Gillis says, rituals are an important means to restore stability to families fractured by divorce, the stress of overwork or other traumas.

The recognition that ritual itself is not static, but rather changes over time, can liberate people from conventions that may have become stale. It enables them to create new rituals that reflect the times they live in, while keeping alive the spirit of their particular faith.

What exactly is ritual?”Prayer in motion,”says Tiziana De Rovere, the author of”Sacred Fire”(Celestial Arts). Simple actions such as lighting a candle, reciting a prayer or gathering in a circle of friends, she says, create a sacred space by uniting the external world with the interior realms of the spirit.

But for rituals to be meaningful, they must be intentional, says family therapist William Dougherty, author of”Soul Searching”(Basic Books). Many families are on automatic pilot during the holiday season and devote little thought to how to make the season significant on their own terms. And intermarried couples who wish to respect the religious beliefs of others often are at a loss for what to do during the holidays.

In fact, celebrating the holidays these days, he says, is like”dancing to music that you and your partner have never heard before.” Thus, rather than rushing onto the dance floor and”stepping on each other’s feet,”Dougherty recommends that family members discuss with each other gift exchanges, meals or religious rituals.

To offset the materialism of this time of year, for example, Dougherty says he initiated a new custom for his family. Just before sitting down for the holiday meal, he and his wife and two children gather in their livingroom, put on some holiday music, and exchange”verbal gifts”of appreciation.

It is a custom they plan to continue.

But Christmas means more than celebrating with families and close friends. After all, Dickens’ most beloved tale,”A Christmas Carol,”was about the miserly Scrooge’s sundered relationships with his employees and townspeople, and the damage this had done to his soul.

Scrooge’s redemption occurs when he learns the lesson of generosity toward others. So too, in this age of greed and alienation, perhaps we need a similar spirit of communal celebration: Those who are rich in love or resources should look beyond their own comforts and give to those who are ill, poor, lonely or left out.

For if there is a lasting meaning in the various forms Christmas rituals have taken over time, it seems to me that it can be found in the joy that comes from giving of oneself to others.

MJP END PEAY