c. 1997 Religion News Service

(Tom Ehrich is an Episcopal priest in Winston-Salem, N.C., an author and former Wall Street Journal reporter. E-mail him at journey(at)interpath.com.)

UNDATED _ My 18-year-old son’s pre-college jitters focus on which computer he will take to North Carolina State in two weeks.

We own seven computers (can that be true?) but four are antiquated and all but one need something: memory, modem, CD-ROM drive. That means money, blah, blah, blah. I can sense my son’s weariness as yet another discussion descends to financial reality.

I sympathize. I have dealt with more than one terror in my life by buying something. As a young man trying to crack big-time journalism, I used to haunt Brooks Brothers. As a fledgling pastor, I turned to high-tech running shoes, then tennis rackets. Lately, I have dealt with the terrors of starting a new business by buying electronic gear.

It actually has been helpful this past year to have minimal discretionary income, because I have had to face my fears directly. But name an 18-year-old that can understand the virtues of making do? Or can look fear in the face.

Both my son and I must deal with the compulsive consumerism that has become the de facto backbone of the U.S. economy. To the rest of the world, Americans look greedy and insanely materialistic. But perhaps we are just scared, profoundly frightened. We certainly act scared, turning even the simplest parts of our lives into battlegrounds.

Little League games, for example, are no longer kids playing ball, but parents working out their fear-driven aggressions. I overheard a junior high football player’s dad telling him,”Son, you’re embarrassing me.” Neighborhood associations aren’t about promoting community, but protecting property. School boards aren’t driven to promote learning, but to dodge lawsuits and fear-driven flight to the suburbs. Whites’ fear of blacks dominates urban life.

I don’t doubt that some of our fears are justified. Intimidation is the primary motivator of many employers: Make a mistake or dress wrong, and you lose your job. Teachers fear disruptive students. Women fear abusive men, and men fear prickly women. Many people live paycheck to paycheck. More and more workers bear the title”temporary.”Small towns are in crisis, and Wal-Mart has taken aim at the suburbs.

Even the affluent seem afraid _ in fact, they seem the most frightened. The determination of the wealthy to get tax breaks looks at first glance like sheer greed. But maybe that determination is grounded in fear, namely, that if they don’t get everything they want, their house of cards will collapse.

Many fears are groundless by rational standards. Fear of rejection, for example, and fear of failure probably guide too many of our life decisions. Fear of strangers stokes too many political fires.

Whether fear is justified or nonsense, it’s a spiritual crisis _ far more of a spiritual crisis, in my view, than our worries about sexual morality. We are afraid, and we think we can buy or bully our way to safety. No matter that God said,”Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands grow weak”(Zephaniah 3:16). No matter that Jesus said,”Do not be afraid”(Matthew 28:10). No matter that we are told,”Perfect love casts out fear”(1 John 4:18)

Religious communities probably see themselves as proclaiming messages of confidence: peace, forgiveness, love, acceptance. But, in fact, frightened people find congregations a fertile environment for acting out their fears. In my years as a pastor, I saw rampant fear: fear of change, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of strangers, fear of losing control. No wonder church people fight so viciously and obsess about the tiniest issues.

Religious leaders respond to fear by stirring up righteous crusades. Nothing calms one’s fears like bashing someone else. Others work to soothe the fearful with a piety not much deeper than a”Care Bear”story. It seems a rare congregation where people deal openly with the angst of modern life.

Even if I could afford to feed my son’s fears by buying him a $2,000 computer, that isn’t what he needs from me. He needs to be loved, not assuaged. So do we all.

MJP END EHRICH