c. 1997 Religion News Service

(Rabbi Rudin is the national interreligious affairs director of the American Jewish Committee.)

UNDATED _ Quick! Name some religious rites of passage for young people.

Ritual circumcision, baptism, Bar or Bat Mitzvah, first Communion, and confirmation are typical responses. These traditional ceremonies hold extraordinary sacred significance for all involved and are well-remembered markers on the path of life.

But I want to add to the list another important ritual often filled with deep spiritual meaning: the moment when the last child moves out of the parental home.

We know, of course, that children are conceived in union and require years of parental closeness and guidance. But we also know children must eventually separate from their parents and establish their own households if both generations are to develop a mature, loving relationship with one another.

Unfortunately, because of her low income and the high cost of New York City apartment rentals, our younger daughter, Jennifer, was forced to live at home with my wife, Marcia, and me during the past two years. Despite all the wonderful things we promised each other _ like familial love, mutual understanding, and respect for privacy _ it was frequently a stressful experience.

It is tough enough to share tight living space with high school teens, but it is even more difficult to live with an adult child who has completed her university studies. But fortunately, after years of living with her parents as well as with numerous bunkmates in summer camps and roommates during college, an improved economic situation has at last permitted Jennifer to move into her own, albeit tiny, three-story walk-up apartment in Brooklyn.

Surprisingly, getting ready for the momentous move was a positive, even touching experience for the entire family. As Jennifer selected those items she wanted to move from her overcrowded bedroom to her new home, she came across long-forgotten diaries, faded family photographs, and other mementos from the past.

Jennifer was like an archaeologist unearthing artifacts from an ancient civilization. Especially poignant were pictures that included now-dead family members and friends. Old school exams, playbills, and long abandoned clothing were also rediscovered.

Books constituted the largest (and heaviest) component of Jennifer’s tightly packed boxes. Well-worn volumes of childhood stories were included in her cartons along with college texts. Books on women’s liberation and Jewish history will now stand side by side with Dr. Seuss and”Sesame Street”muppets since there is so little space in Jennifer’s new apartment.

Fortunately, Jennifer’s married sister, Eve, was in town from Los Angeles to attend a friend’s wedding; just in time to help in the move. When the four of us initially arrived at the new apartment, maternal and sisterly concerns quickly surfaced. Eve cleaned the tiny bathroom while Marcia made the kitchen, a former closet, into a workable facility.

No one should enter a new home without family gifts including food and a Mezzuzah that contains passages from Deuteronomy for the entrance doorway. These items were also provided for Jennifer.

As we prepared to transfer Jennifer and her possessions from Manhattan to Brooklyn, I kept thinking of the wisdom of the Jewish tradition that urges parents to teach children Torah, a useful occupation, and the ability to swim.

While the ancient rabbis emphasized the knowledge of swimming as a means of saving one’s life, they also employed”swimming”as a metaphor for effectively and safely surviving in the world.

Hopefully, Marcia and I have succeeded in fulfilling the first two rabbinic admonitions, but as the boxes were being packed and labeled, I realized it was truly time for Jennifer to swim on her own, out at last from under her parents’ roof.

And in a pleasant sign of the times, Jennifer’s boyfriend drove the van to her new home. Unlike Jennifer’s earlier moves, I was, happily, not needed to drag her household goods up the three flights of stairs. After all, isn’t that what a daughter’s boyfriend is for?

MJP END RUDIN