NEWS FEATURE: Preacher’s kids reality more prosaic than image

c. 1997 Religion News Service MOBILE, Ala. _ Jimmy Ray was a preacher’s son _ a hot-blooded, sneaky, kiss-stealing sweet-talker, cool as grits about “takin’ time to make time” in Dusty Springfield’s 1968 hit, “Son of a Preacher Man.”The song is about as good an example of the bad Preacher’s Kid as you’re likely to […]

c. 1997 Religion News Service

MOBILE, Ala. _ Jimmy Ray was a preacher’s son _ a hot-blooded, sneaky, kiss-stealing sweet-talker, cool as grits about “takin’ time to make time” in Dusty Springfield’s 1968 hit, “Son of a Preacher Man.”The song is about as good an example of the bad Preacher’s Kid as you’re likely to find.

There is, of course, also the good Preacher’s Kid _ a real goody two-shoes: sanctimonious, pious, easily shocked and completely humorless, with no interest in the world outside the church doors.


Real PKs, however, say neither version reflects reality and the truth is more prosaic than the image _ they’re normal, productive citizens who generally fondly remember their days in the parsonage. But they also say nobody but another PK really knows what it’s like.

“I would much rather be a preacher’s kid than anything else,” said Ann Bradley of Mobile, adult daughter of a Southern Baptist minister.

Bradley recalls a paper she wrote in eighth grade about her life as a minister’s child. Her classmates, she said, were fascinated and peppered her with questions.

She acknowledged, however, the more usual reaction was “they find out your dad’s a preacher and they think you’re a goody-goody, and they don’t understand. Those kids grow up into adults and people still believe a certain way.”

David Pierce of Second Row Ministries in Smyrna, Tenn., said Bradley’s experience isn’t unusual. “In the real world, PKs have a unique slant on life that most people don’t share.”

Pierce’s wife, Christian comedian Chonda Pierce, sponsored a conference last year for adult PKs that proved wildly popular. The participants greeted each other’s stories with excited recognition, nodding and saying, “You mean you felt that, too?”

“There was a kindred spirit there,” Pierce said.

A second conference begins next Friday (Oct. 24) in Nashville. Among the featured guests will be Christian vocalist Bryan Duncan, One Voice and Stephen Arterburn, radio host of the Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic _ all PKs.


Last year, Pierce said, participants didn’t quite know what to expect from one another.

“There were some people who hesitated to come because they had a perception it was going to be a whining session _ my dad did this, my dad did that,” he said. “Some of them have real good stories to tell _ some have horrible stories to tell. But it’s not just people who had bad experiences who are coming to this conference.”

Most of the PKs interviewed for this story had positive stories to tell, like Lisa York of Seven Hills, Ala. She said she loved being a preacher’s kid although she became a little rebellious as she grew up.

“Inside I was like every other teen-ager but I wasn’t allowed to be,” York said. “But even though I went off and got tattooed, I never pulled out of church, never became disillusioned or had to go out on my own.”

The overall experience was pretty positive, she said.

“I thought a lot of my dad. He was such a good example. He was not the type who was one way in front of his church, in the pulpit, and another way at home,” she said. “He kept his preaching up at home, but not by ramming it down your throat. I still think about a lot of things he taught me.”

Kassidi Toliver, 13-year-old daughter of the Rev. Harold Toliver of Stone Street Baptist Church in Mobile, has done some thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of being a PK.

“It’s been mostly a pleasing experience for me,”she said.”I get to meet a lot of people when we network with other churches. And I’m not so much on display as people think we are.”


Toliver said she knows others may have expectations of her she does not necessarily try to meet. “You can see a funny look on their face _ they expect you to be pious.”

Being a minister’s child brings advantages, but it also brings duties, many said. Perfect attendance in Sunday school was a minimum but PKs also had to take leading roles in youth group, junior choir, and volunteer activities.

“I kind of have to show up every Sunday. We’re just expected to be good (and) play an active role in the church,” said Stoffer Krause, 12. He lives in the parsonage of Kingswood United Methodist Church of Mobile with his mother and stepfather, the Rev. and Mrs. Kenneth Autrey.

As one minister’s daughter put it, she didn’t have to join the Senior Men’s prayer group, but she did have to serve the coffee.

Teresa Bray of Monroeville, Ala., remembers that she first saw “The Wizard of Oz” as an adult, because it was always broadcast on Sunday nights when she, the daughter of a Methodist minister, had to be at the youth fellowship meeting.

For many ministers’ children, moving from town to town was a regular part of life. Stoffer Krause says even with all the moves _ he’s originally from California _ he might go into the ministry himself.


As you grow, finding out who you are besides simply a minister’s child is a challenge, said Cindy Op’tholt of Daphne, Ala., daughter of an Episcopal priest.

“So much of who I am is based on who my parents were as parents, and then my father was also my priest,” she said. “I can understand when other clergy children break away from the church, because so much of who and what they are is tied up in who their parents are.”

But Op’tholt said a recent trip to her father’s old church in Grand Rapids, Mich., reminded her how good it was to be a clergyman’s daughter.

“I am really happy to have grown up in this place,” she remembered thinking. “The Holy Spirit was there, the people of God were there. I was just really grateful. Growing up, I had a lot of people who were concerned about me and loved me and would verbalize that.”

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