c. 1998 Religion News Service

(Tom Ehrich is a pastor, writer and software developer living in Winston-Salem, N.C.)

UNDATED _”Bad news,”my mother said at breakfast on my first morning home for a high school reunion in Indianapolis. She pointed to the newspaper.

Big headline: Dan Burton admits affair.

I had to laugh. The Republican congressman from Indiana has been among the more vicious dogs on President Clinton’s trail. Now it turns out he had an extramarital affair of his own in the 1980s and fathered a son, now 15, whom he supports financially but doesn’t acknowledge.

Learning perhaps from Clinton’s poorly rated responses to such discovery, Burton went public and confessed his sin. Like Clinton, he went on to blame others for forcing discovery of what he said should be a private matter. He refused all further questions in the apparent hope that coming clean right away would cause reporters to lose interest. Not likely.

Other than this delicious proof of symmetry in politics, my 35th reunion was about forgiveness and acceptance, the mellowing that comes when brass rings no longer seem so all-important. In fact, the mellowing was so pronounced it made the competitive grandiosity of our age-peers in Washington seem like arrested development.”A lot less drinking than at the 25th,”said a classmate.”A lot less bragging.” People talked about their jobs, but with appreciation, not defensive comparison. An attorney who needed to tell about his successful practice seemed out of step.

People who had avoided each other as teenagers talked freely across the boundaries of once-rigid social circles. Life, it seems, wasn’t ultimately shaped by being named a cheerleader or prom queen candidate. A man who had the misfortune of being very bright and very short at age 15 _”I was below the radar”of social life, he said _ has gone on to a happy adulthood. Middling scholars hit their stride and became physicians and entrepreneurs. So-so SAT scores didn’t get in their way.

Aging has claimed hair and waistlines, but it didn’t take long to see beyond looks. Friends were still friends. I had dinner with my”steady”from junior year and marveled at how fortunate I was to have known romance at a time when romance was safe, when simply walking home from school together seemed a tingling treasure.

Mainly she and I talked about our adult journeys. When we explored”Do you remember,”we weren’t trying to be 16 again, but were savoring shared experiences no one else _ quite understandably _ finds interesting. We also needed to check out some memories. Did we drive around town singing madrigals from the Renaissance? Yes, she said, six of us did exactly that. Was I surprised by the surprise 16th birthday party she threw for me? Yes, I was.

Some people have had rough sledding. Alcoholism has shaped the lives of those who once seemed to have it all. Skin has been mottled by cigarette smoking. Two are already widows. Some faces were lined by more than middle-age. Several classmates died in military duty. The prevailing mellowness might reflect a self-selection process by which those who feel good about life attend reunions.

The deepest sadness was about the state of public education. Ours was an academic high school with what now seems an improbable array of offerings: daily newspaper, radio station, Greek and Latin, a 400-student music program, clubs providing more than transcript-enhancement, safe hallways, exciting teachers. Our children don’t seem to be having a high school experience that is remotely comparable, even in the toniest suburbs. Our junior prom queen has devoted her life to public education and sees only small rays of hope.

I came away from the reunion with these words of unsolicited advice:

To the politicians who gouge each other over morsels: Grow up, you’re losing your audience.

To those teenagers who aren’t winning high school honors: Be of good cheer, life is a long-term affair.

To those who are winning: Be wary of success that comes too early, life is a long-term affair.

To those who look to alcohol for adventure: Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and listen to the real consequences.

To those who worry about SAT scores and college decisions: Diplomas predict little of any substance.

DEA END EHRICH