COMMENTARY: Shuddering through the Bill-and-Monica saga

c. 1998 Religion News Service (Tom Ehrich is the author of”On a Journey,”daily meditations available through Journey Publishing Co. If you have feedback or want to suggest a question for a future column, send e-mail to: journey(AT)interpath.com) UNDATED _ My day starts with Bill and Monica _ newspaper, National Public Radio. My work day ends […]

c. 1998 Religion News Service

(Tom Ehrich is the author of”On a Journey,”daily meditations available through Journey Publishing Co. If you have feedback or want to suggest a question for a future column, send e-mail to: journey(AT)interpath.com)

UNDATED _ My day starts with Bill and Monica _ newspaper, National Public Radio. My work day ends with Bill and Monica _ NPR at drive time.


The more I listen, the more disturbed I get. Not in moral revulsion or in fear for our nation. Out-of-control libidos seem inevitable among the powerful. Shading the truth, pouncing on the vulnerable, playing to the cameras, lawyers lining up at the trough _ that’s politics as usual. If the nation survived Nixon’s paranoia, it will survive puns on sex.

No, my uneasiness is more visceral than that.

I listen to reports of the independent prosecutor chasing every hint of dirt on President Clinton, and I shudder. Could any of us stand such scrutiny? So much in life is ambiguous. Even if we stop short of outright indiscretion, few of us are truly chaste.

I have worked in churches and offices, served on Habitat for Humanity teams, and attended seminars where interpersonal sharing was central to instruction. I know intimacy can become confusing. Intense conversation begins to seem sexual. Spiritual bonding leads to physical touch, and those hugs can feel like an invitation to more. The closeness of effective teamwork produces a rush feeling like sexual energy.

I remember hanging drywall in a Habitat house. It was a bathroom. Three of us worked in a cramped space. Our bodies touched. An exhilarating intimacy emerged. None of us acted on it, or even was likely to act on it, but as I listen to speculations about Oval Office tomcatting, I realize it wouldn’t have taken much to stir the pot.

We take it for granted singles will meet at the office or in worship, and romance will bloom. But those feelings aren’t limited to 25-year-old singles. People of all ages and marital states gaze appreciatively at each other. Many proceed to imagining.

Plus, we watch each other having those imaginings. We see the pastor exchanging a long hug with a parishioner, and we read sex into it. We see mixed-gender teams go off on business trips, and we speculate on who sleeps where.

Any public figure learns to manage perceptions. I recall the precautions I learned to take as a pastor: never call on women at their homes, never counsel a woman alone in church, make sure my wife and secretary knew of every appointment, meet in public places.


But I knew a determined antagonist could always find something suggestive in my behavior and as long as I chose to work among people, I was never totally safe from being misperceived. I shudder as I hear about the president’s staff being interviewed. Throughout my 18 years as a pastor, I knew opponents of my leadership were hovering around the staff, panning for nuggets of discontent. The closeness and openness I sought to nurture among colleagues became exploitable. Private conversations became public. It became hazardous to express doubt, to dream about possibilities, to think aloud.

And that was just the church, where my power was limited and the stakes were small. Imagine what it is like in Washington, where every glance suggests favor and every memo is stored for future exploitation.

I shudder as I contemplate the reality of stress. I have tasted a bit of what life must be like for a president or a corporate chief. I have tasted isolation, having my every word and deed monitored and assessed, knowing the power I held was coveted by others, and feeling the weight of an institution’s health on my shoulders.

What, exactly, are we to do with our stress? We can internalize stress _ and develop ulcers, heart disease or depression. We can project stress onto others _ and turn people into imagined enemies. We can act out _ and drink too much or cross sexual boundaries. We can turn stress into spiritual quest _ and gravitate to the exotic or ultra-rigid.

The stress has to go somewhere. When we live in an unforgiving environment, where weakness invites assault, no avenue of expression seems safe except for over-achievement and compulsive spending.

I shudder as I listen to the Bill-and-Monica saga, not because I think he is a moral leper, but because it hits too close to home.


DEA END EHRICH

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