Christian Instructor Shows Men How to Write Heartfelt Letters to Loved Ones

c. 2006 Religion News Service (UNDATED) Most months, Larry and Jeannie Sanders of McMinnville, Ore., manage a family budget in which there’s not likely to be $100 left over. But last June, when Larry burst into the gas station where his wife is a cashier and asked for that amount, Jeannie didn’t think twice. The […]

c. 2006 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) Most months, Larry and Jeannie Sanders of McMinnville, Ore., manage a family budget in which there’s not likely to be $100 left over. But last June, when Larry burst into the gas station where his wife is a cashier and asked for that amount, Jeannie didn’t think twice. The desperation in her husband’s face stopped her questions cold.

Larry, 38, a physical trainer at a gym, had just come from a men’s meeting at their church, and he was intent on signing up that night for a men’s class on writing letters.


Writing letters? Yes, letters to his wife, his kids, his parents _ and one to leave behind when he dies.

Sanders says he “lost it” during a presentation by Greg Vaughn, a Christian film producer from Richardson, Texas, who had addressed the group of about 60 men at the Baptist church.

“I knew I had to do this,” Sanders said. “I was ready for some healing in my life.” He decided to register for the class that night, right after he’d asked his wife if they could afford it.

In this age of e-mails and instant messages, men have lost the knack of writing letters, Vaughn says. And, no, he doesn’t mean Post-It notes stuck to refrigerator doors, or greeting cards signed “Dad” or “Your Husband.”

He is talking about meaningful letters that wives, children and parents will hang on to long after a man’s death, letters that become keepsakes of a loving, enduring relationship.

Vaughn, who came up with the “Letters from Dad” curriculum three years ago, has seen at least 5,000 men pass through his classes in churches from Florida to Alaska. He recently visited the Pentagon to talk about writing thoughtful letters, spoke to 100 pastors who traveled to Dallas to learn how to teach his course, and corresponded online to 50 pastors from England, Australia and New Zealand.

Vaughn begins every visit with his own story. Three years ago, his father died and left his middle-age son something of a legacy: an old shotgun and a battered tackle box.


“I stood in the garage and shook my head,” Vaughn remembers. “All I really wanted was a slip of paper with his name on it, a note that said he’d loved me.”

He knows, of course, that his dad did love him. A product of the World War II generation, Vaughn says his dad loved his family by working hard to put food on the table and didn’t see the need to put his feelings into words.

“But now,” Vaughn said, “we yearn for deeper relationships.”

As he travels the country, talking in churches, Vaughn says he asks the men gathered for barbecued ribs or a pancake breakfast if any of them have such a letter from their fathers.

Out of the usual 50 or 60 guys, he says, one or two raise their hands. “And then I offer them a check for $10,000 if they’ll give up the letters without keeping copies and never be able to read them again,” he says. “No one will ever sell it to me.”

That standing offer has become one of his best selling points, Vaughn says. “On the darkest day of your children’s lives,” he tells his audiences, “they deserve something better. They deserve a letter about your hopes, dreams and desires for each of them. It will change their lives.”

Larry and Jeannie Sanders say “Letters From Dad” has changed their lives. Sanders, who doesn’t remember writing more than brief notes and cards to his wife, spent three weeks and eight to 10 hours drafting a letter to her. He had all the usual excuses, he says. His handwriting wasn’t very good, he didn’t know where to start, he couldn’t imagine saying all he had to say in one page, not even in five or six. Who, he wondered, has time to write that much?


Sanders says he overcame every obstacle with the help of Vaughn’s curriculum, which includes his book, “Letters From Dad,” a DVD titled “The Lost Art of Letter Writing” and a notebook full of sample letters, blank stationery and envelopes. All the materials are for sale online at http://www.lettersfromdad.com, priced either separately or $95 for the whole package. Many churches offer scholarships to men who can’t afford the cost of the course. But for Sanders, the cost became a symbol of his commitment.

It took him a few weeks to work up the courage to read his letter to Jeannie aloud to the other men in his class. “I was worried that it might sound too mushy,” he says.

His fellow letter-writers loved it. “Don’t change a word,” they said.

Last September, Larry read his letter to Jeannie, 40, on their 13th anniversary, and gave her a copy to keep. “Beloved Jeannie,” the letter begins, `Without you, my beloved, my life was sinking in a whirlpool of despair, but together we have overcome enough tragedy to sink a thousand marriages and I can honestly say, Jeannie, today I love you more than I ever have.”’

Jeannie’s eyes filled with tears as he read it to her, as they have the four or five times she has read it since. “I fell in love with him all the more,” she said. She was so touched by the letter that she showed it to her parents _ who, Sanders jokes, have had him “on probation” for most of the years he’s been married to their daughter.

“This is what the love of a good man sounds like,” she told them.

Sanders has written a last letter, too, and is still working on ones to his children and his parents, with whom, he says, he has had “issues.”

“One of the hardest things to do,” he says, “is to deal with the issues, but not in the letter. A letter is supposed to be a blessing to the one who receives it, not just to stir up the pot.” He learned that, he says, in the class.


Vaughn says the course helps men realize that they need to leave behind more than a fishing pole, and gives them the tools to do it. Most men won’t back away from a challenge to be a better husband, a better father, a better son, especially if someone offers to help them.

“Every guy knows what he ought to do,” Sanders said. “Learning how to do it takes a little time.”

KRE/JL END HAUGHT

(Nancy Haught writes for The Oregonian in Portland, Ore.)

Editors: To obtain photos of Larry and Jeannie Sanders and Larry Sanders’ letter, go to the RNS Web site at https://religionnews.com. On the lower right, click on “photos,” then search by subject or slug. If searching by subject, designate “exact phrase” for best results.

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