c. 2006 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) Ashley Covington sat cross-legged on the floor, puzzled over what to write on a Christmas ornament to honor her big brother Matthew, who died in April.

“It’s kind of hard because you don’t know what to say,” said Ashley, whose 18-year-old sibling was working on his truck when it rolled and pinned him against a tree.

But soon, Ashley’s ideas about Matthew’s favorites began to come out in color as she scribbled his name, “Roll Tide Roll” _ a rally chant for University of Alabama athletic teams _ and “Homewood Patriots.”

This was no simple act of arts and crafts. It was an exercise in healing for 9-year-old Ashley and other children at a grief camp called Camp Newsong at Hargis Retreat in Chelsea, Ala.

The camp, held three times a year for children dealing with the death of a loved one, has volunteer counselors who use art therapy, outdoor playtime and more to help children freely explore their grief.

At a recent meeting, counselors used art projects to help the youths make an easier transition into the holidays.

“We know that they can’t be there with them, but by having that ornament around the house or on the tree, it makes them feel like they are still part of the holidays,” said Sissy Hobbs, coordinator for the Alabama Foundation for Oncology, which sponsors the camp.

Starting new traditions, like making memorial ornaments, is just part of helping children, and even adults, cope. It’s also good to allow children to talk about their feelings and their deceased relative, according to experts.

Camper Jul-Meecya Evans, 7, whose mother died the day after Christmas in 2005, isn’t shy in sharing stories about her late mother and talking to her.

“That’s something I told her she can do,” said Henrietta Sewell, Jul-Meecya’s guardian. “She said that she missed talking with her and I was just telling her that she could talk to her; that she’s up in heaven.”

Jul-Meecya apparently drew from that advice when she thrust her Camp Newsong art project skyward to show off her handiwork. “Oh, Mama. Look!” she exclaimed.

Stephanie Elson, a grief counselor and camp volunteer, said that often children express their emotions through behavior rather than words because their vocabulary may not be as advanced as an adult’s.

“Grief is such an individual process. People grieve by their personality, their culture, their age,” Elson said. “What’s nice about camp is it allows children to grieve in a childlike way.”

Counselors at the Amelia Center, a nonprofit grief counseling service in Birmingham, Ala., encourage families to have a holiday plan so they know what to do when they encounter a feeling of loss.

One idea is to put up a stocking for the deceased and fill it with letters and pictures written by survivors. Family members can open the contents Christmas morning.

“Everyone does their own thing and has to figure out for themselves what works for them,” Elson said. “There is no right or wrong way to cope with a loss.”

Grief specialist and registered nurse Sherry L. Williams of Louisville, Ky., said grieving families may want to also ask themselves ahead of time what they will do about seating arrangements for the holiday meal or opening Christmas presents.

If the deceased person usually sat at the head of the table, consider taking the head chair out of the room, eating in a different room, going to someone else’s home for dinner, or even grabbing a bite at a fast-food chain.

Another option is to leave the chair at the table and place one rose there. Before grace, each person at the table can say something about the deceased.

She added that rituals and traditions are a big part of the holidays, but there’s nothing wrong with making a few adjustments after a death.

Williams’ mother always read the story of Jesus’ birth at Christmas. After the woman died in September 1976, Williams’ family wanted to hold on to an event that made the holidays so significant to them. However, they found themselves unable to fill their mother’s shoes.

They finally found a solution in 1977 by playing a recording of the story read by Charlton Heston.

“It gave us the ability to be able to continue something that was so meaningful to us and meant so much to our mother,” Williams said.

(Chanda Temple writes for The Birmingham News in Birmingham, Ala.)

DSB/PH END TEMPLE

Editors: To obtain photos of children making ornaments for deceased loved ones, go to the RNS Web site at https://religionnews.com. On the lower right, click on “photos,” then search by subject or slug.

See sidebar: RNS-GRIEF-TIPS, transmitted Dec. 19.