c. 2006 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) Allow yourself to make plans but change them if necessary. If you are going to a Christmas party, take your own car so you can leave if you don’t feel like staying.

Visit stores during non-peak times to avoid the hustle and bustle. Also, consider shopping for gifts via the Internet.

Consider taking the family to a different location like the beach, the movies or the zoo. Find out what works for you.

Don’t be afraid to cut back on giving gifts this year if you are grieving. Also, it’s OK to skip the holidays this year if you don’t feel like celebrating.

Light a special candle in memory of the deceased. It acknowledges the loss instead of dwelling on the person’s absence.

Buy a gift in honor of the deceased.

Take notice of a child’s behavior following a death. Marked changes may be a sign that grief is emerging. A child may now be clingy, have separation anxiety or exhibit trouble sleeping.

Find healthy ways to help children express their grief. Basketball may be a good outlet for a child who is angry.

Consider a grief support group.

Try to keep at least one thing the same around the holidays when children are affected by grief. They are looking for the familiar when things around them are changing.

Watch what you eat. Grief can increase or decrease one’s appetite.

Try not to substitute other things to numb the pain like drugs, alcohol or comfort foods.

Stay energized by eating a lot of protein; carbohydrates can make you sluggish and tired.

Watch out for sweets, which can make some people anxious and heighten the anxiety the bereaved is already feeling. Caffeine can do the same thing.

Get plenty of rest.

Seek professional help if what you are feeling interferes with activities of daily living like taking care of the kids, caring about your appearance, getting out of bed in morning, doing your job.

Ask yourself what recharges you. Is it prayer, community, family? Find the answer and take the time to do it.

Find ways to vent that anger. Write about it, scream about it, take a rubber soft hammer and hit the furniture. Also, wrap presents, throw popcorn, bake cookies, address Christmas cards.

Be ready for tears at any time by having tissue nearby. We cry because we love somebody, so don’t apologize for loving somebody or for the tears.

Sources: Stephanie Elson, a counselor at the Amelia Center, a nonprofit grief counseling service in Birmingham, Ala., and Sherry L. Williams, grief specialist from Louisville, Ky., and publisher of New Leaf Magazine, a quarterly publication for the bereaved.

DSB/PH END

Editors: See main story, RNS-HOLIDAY-GRIEF, transmitted Dec. 19.