c. 2007 Religion News Service

(UNDATED) A friend told me, “I feel like I just want to hide sometimes.”

Don’t we all?

She talked about how she suddenly was scared of doing her job at a department store. And about how she had become frightened about singing in the choir.

This middle-age lady is an extrovert. In the past, she sang gospel on television. She is one of the top salespeople at her store. When the public lights come on, she usually is at her best and brightest.

But suddenly, she was worried.

In her 50th year, she has begun to feel uncertain about what to say in situations where she always knew what to do before. She began to feel that people were looking at her a little differently.

“Sometimes, I’m shaking inside,” she said.

You’d never know it watching her at work or when she sings.

She had been praying about it for a while. So had many of her friends.

It took months, but then she realized what was wrong. It was not fear of people, or of not being sure what to say.

She had had seizures in the past. While she has been in a good period with excellent medical care, she was afraid they would come back.

“I hate when I have one and everyone looks at me,” she said. “I feel so humiliated.”

She paused.

“I’ve known this for a while,” she said. “I just didn’t want to admit it.”

She paused again.

“It’s such a relief just to say it,” she said. “I thought I was past this. …”

So often, our past boomerangs right at us, whacking us smack in the heart of our confidence.

Some of my friends who are parents are afraid they are somehow “doing it wrong.” Surveys of executives reveal that many are afraid they will be discovered as not being as smart, as efficient or as successful as they are supposed to be.

A 2006 Harris survey revealed that 48 percent of women who earned more than $100,000 annually feared they would “lose it all” and end up broke. That’s because they don’t think they understand money.

Research by Sara Harvey Yao and Michele Lisenbury Christensen for a Web site called “Working with Power” (http://www.workingwithpower.com) shows that when women are promoted, one of their biggest fears is not that they will fail in their job. It’s losing approval of co-workers and friends.

When I quit the Beacon Journal after 22 years to join The Plain Dealer this month, I feared that my friends in Akron would hate me for leaving. And that some people in Cleveland would not accept me. And then I wondered, “Is this a good idea?”

I suddenly felt very insecure as a writer. It doesn’t take much to bring anyone down.

I know that I am outrageously blessed. I know that my problems are barely annoyances compared with what so many people endure. I know, like my friend, that some of the things I worry about will never happen.

I thought of a line from California writer and pastor Greg Laurie: “Courage is fear backed by prayer.”

After my friend told me about her struggle, we prayed. As she talked to God, she mentioned a line from Mark 9:24, where a man brings his possessed son to Jesus to be healed. The man says, “I do believe, but help me with my unbelief.”

(Terry Pluto writes for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland.)

KRE/LF END PLUTO500 words

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