From a friend’s daughter:
so last night i was at a comedy show and sarah silverman made a guest appearance. and i thought to myself “now’s my chance to be that totally weird girl that talks to a celebrity about my weird family.” i didn’t even hesitate…
me: oh, hi sarah. i’m sara too.
sarah: oh. (she looks up at me from her iphone solitaire game, somewhat dumbfounded)
me: so, i’ve been meaning to tell you (uhm, what?! who says that to someone they’ve never met?!), a week before the great schlepp video came out, my dad told me he wouldn’t vote for obama and i told him that if he voted for obama, i’d marry a jew.
sarah: oh great! that’s great! (did she mean it or was she just trying to get this awkward girl to leave her alone? YOU DECIDE 2008)
me: yeah, well, kind of, but i’ve never been into jews.
sarah: oh, you will find one.
me: no, they all like phish.
sarah: what? (now i’ve really lost her)
me: all jewish guys like phish the band.
sarah: no no, not ALL of them. you’ll find one.
me: ok, well, i just wanted to tell you the story, anyway, you going on tonight?
sarah: yeah, but i have NO material. nothing.
me: ok, yeah, i bet you won’t be funny at all.
sarah: seriously, i have nothing.
me: ok, i’ll warn all my friends that you’re gonna suck. it was nice meeting you.
sarah: you too!