GUEST COMMENTARY: Ted Haggard’s right. Sexuality isn’t easy.

(UNDATED) Ted Haggard is making news again. The former megachurch pastor and one-time president of the National Association of Evangelicals is sharing the story of his fall from grace in an HBO documentary called “The Trials of Ted Haggard.” The HBO film, premiering on Jan. 29, reexamines the sex-and-drug scandal that rocked the evangelical world […]

(UNDATED) Ted Haggard is making news again. The former megachurch pastor and one-time president of the National Association of Evangelicals is sharing the story of his fall from grace in an HBO documentary called “The Trials of Ted Haggard.”

The HBO film, premiering on Jan. 29, reexamines the sex-and-drug scandal that rocked the evangelical world through the eyes of the man at the center. In a recent news interview, Haggard was asked what factors play into one’s sexuality.

“I think sexuality is confusing and complex,” he answered. “I am totally completely satisfied with the relationship with my wife now, but I went through a wandering-in-the-wilderness time, and I just thank God I’m on the other side of that.”


Asked whether he could define his sexual identity, Haggard said, “The stereotypical boxes don’t work for me. My story’s got some gray areas in it. And, of course, I’m sad about that, but it’s the reality.”

I can relate. Since I was 4 years old, I’ve dealt with confusion surrounding my gender and sexuality. It didn’t help that, like Haggard, I was molested at a young age. Eventually, my confusion turned into an exclusive attraction to members of my same sex. I hadn’t asked for those feelings and no matter how hard I prayed, they just wouldn’t go away.

As a teenager I gave in, and I found gay life fun for a season. But I realized it would be lonely for a lifetime and most importantly-altogether incompatible with my Christian beliefs. I went searching for help, but at the time, it seemed no church would touch the issue.

I turned to Exodus International, a ministry that helps those dealing with this particular struggle. Godly men and women walked beside me as I began to deal with underlying wounds and sought to discover my true identity in Christ. They demonstrated the bold love of Jesus to me when I needed it most. Now, 18 years later, I am married to a wonderful woman and blessed with two amazing children.

Like Haggard, I too have some shades of gray surrounding my sexuality, which is why I’ve become annoyed with the term “ex-gay,” even though I’ve used it over the years to describe myself. Still, I know there is so much more to me than that; my past experiences with homosexuality cannot define who I am now.

I and others have found a path that goes well beyond the limiting label of what it means to be “gay” or even “ex-gay.” Perhaps a better term might be “post-gay” because it is the lives we have lived beyond homosexuality that have truly been redefining.


My saving grace has been realizing that God has no lack of clarity about who I am. Nor is he confused about what his plan for sexuality. I believe wholeheartedly in the truth of the Bible and God’s design for our sexuality to be expressed in marriage between one man and one woman. Some might see that as limited and constricting; I, however, have found the embrace of that ideal to be liberating and invaluable to surviving my own gray moments.

I’ve also realized that heterosexuality isn’t the ultimate goal. The opposite of homosexuality isn’t heterosexuality; it’s holiness. Going straight might be our ideal, but it isn’t the ultimate make-or-break issue in the Christian life.

While I believe that homosexual behavior and all of its labels are contrary to God’s plan for us, I also know that his forgiveness and grace extends to our honest mistakes and our outright disobedience-even ones that result in headline-grabbling scandals.

Perhaps the best thing I’ve learned about God on this journey is that he wants our hearts more than our homosexuality. And when he has our hearts, he has all of us. For me, that is what makes living in shades of gray worth it all.

(Alan Chambers is the author of “God’s Grace & the Homosexual Next Door: Helping the Gay Men and Women in Your World,” and the president of Exodus International.)

KRE/DEA END CHAMBERS

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