NEW YORK (RNS) I took my sister on a seven-mile walk through Manhattan. We talked about marriage — each of our oldest sons is getting married next year. We are pleased for our sons, thrilled with their fiancees, and filled with hope for their new lives.
We also talked about marital failures, especially headline waywardness by golfer Tiger Woods and late-night TV host David Letterman. With a predictable script — evasion, admission, apology, promise — they joined a cascade of celebrities and politicians whose squeaky-clean images vanished overnight amid lurid details and rumor run amok.
If adultery were limited to celebrities (whose outsize egos often lure them beyond normal bounds), it would be a brief refrain of the adulterous King David’s line, “How the mighty have fallen.”
But it’s not just celebrities: America is facing an adultery epidemic, with surveys showing an estimated 20 to 25 percent of people stray regularly from their marital vows, and as many as 50 percent cheat at least once.
Discovery of adultery evokes the sad realization that we live in immoral times. Then again, none of the Ten Commandments remains widely in force. Graven images are common, especially in churches. The Sabbath is now a prime day for shopping and soccer. Murder has been defined carefully to allow extensive taking of life. Covetousness is the heartbeat of modern advertising. Stealing and dishonoring are common. Bearing false witness has become an Internet art form.
Hypocrisy, too, is rampant. Zealots shout Bible verses to denounce practices they happen not to like but ignore Bible verses that would cramp their own style. When some get caught in the very practice they have been denouncing, you realize it’s about politics, not morality. Witness the high horses that Catholic prelates ride, except when it comes to sexual predators in their own ranks.
Wall Street firms aren’t pausing for an ethical breath as they scheme to award themselves vast compensation. The only cautionary word comes from public relations staff, and their concern is about image, not morality.
The problem is that real immorality hurts real people. A celebrity’s lapse might be amusing to some, but at the level of an actual marriage, adultery can be devastating.
Real greed hurts real people. Wall Street’s siphoning off $30 billion to enrich a few executives could also pay 600,000 medium-pay jobs. The $200,000 platinum watch that is this year’s top mega-toy would spare one family from foreclosure.
Real coveting hurts real people. Ads about longing after our neighbors’ cars — and houses, lawns, physiques, and spouses — seep deep into our consciousness and instill fundamental feelings of envy, inadequacy and hostility.
Real theft hurts real people. Thievery means ruined credit through identity theft, sad children whose bicycles have been stolen, poorly trained workers who cheated their way through school and now are pilfering expense accounts. Stolen merchandise — half taken by staff, half by customers — plagues Christmas retailers.
Real dishonesty is also harmful: plagiarism is so common that a new category of software known as “plagiarism checker” has emerged to help teachers detect abuse. Nevertheless, a Web search on “preaching against sin” calls up an advertisement for “free sermons” written by someone else.
Where to start turning this tide? In the spirit of those Ten Commandments, I suggest a few `Thou Shalts …’
Parents, thou shalt focus less on college admissions and more on teaching your children right and wrong, as well as being honest yourselves.
For the faithful, thou shalt seek ethical instruction — and ethical behavior — from your preachers, not just pandering on a few crowd-stirring issues.
And citizens, thou shalt demand honesty and probity from your leaders, not just conforming ideology.
(Tom Ehrich is a writer, church consultant and Episcopal priest based in New York. He is the author of “Just Wondering, Jesus,” and the founder of the Church Wellness Project, http://www.churchwellness.com. His Web site is http://www.morningwalkmedia.com.)
