How to have a Christian Halloween

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Jesus Harvest Seeds | Image from http://bit.ly/208IfgQ

Jesus Harvest Seeds | Image from http://bit.ly/208IfgQ

Halloween! What a weird time of year. Kids dress in crazy costumes; adults dress as sexy office supplies; and everyone eats way too much of the Reeses peanut butter cups they bought to hand out to the kids who never came to the door. Some people with lots of time on their hands even put skulls out on their stoops! Not real skulls, mostly. Usually plastic, sometimes with blood.

If you are a Christian, you can have a very different Halloween! Instead of being a sexy stapler mom to a bunch of baby Albert Einsteins, you can dress your kids as “positive cartoon or book characters, famous historical characters, or Bible heroes,” according to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. Did you know the Bible has heroes? Just find them and dress like them. Maybe Bathsheba and Judas, if you are part of a heterosexual couple! They weren’t together together but, you know, that makes it funnier. Randomness is funny!

From http://www.halloweencostumes.com/toddler-nun-costume.html

From http://www.halloweencostumes.com/toddler-nun-costume.html

Your children can be nuns, which are Biblical, at least according to www.HalloweenCostumes.com slash Kids Biblical Costumes. They could also be medieval monks or adorable lambs–a baby lamb!–or King Tut, who was maybe in the Bible but probably not. Other child costumes I would like to see include the two she-bears who mauled the forty-two children who made fun of Elisha for being bald; the forty-two mauled children; and Elisha’s bald pate. Babies are already bald!

Should you give candy to children on Halloween? Probably not, but you should give them essential oils, which cure child migraines and colic. Just pour it right down their baby throats, and if their parents object, probably pour some down the parents’ throats, too. You can also hand out some gospel tracts and these Jesus Harvest Seeds, which are a tri-color candy–yellow, orange, and white, the colors of God–in the shape of a pointed seed and sweetened with honey. “Each individual packet features a scripture.” If that’s not enough, you can buy these Fruit of the Spirit candies, but be warned that they are “manufactured in a facility that processes products containing soy, milk, egg, wheat, and peanut/tree nut ingredients.” Combining soy and peanuts is evil. That’s from Leviticus.

  • Larry

    If Christians didn’t want to acquire Halloween as one of its traditions, they should not have converted all those Germanic and Celtic peoples.

    Those guys never let religion get in the way of a good time. 🙂

  • Garson Abuita

    Why stop at rebranding candy corn? Think of all the things you could do: Red Vines= Centurion Whips, red M&M’s = Jesus’s Blood Drops (you may sense a pattern here), candy necklaces= Candy Rosaries.. (ScriptureCandy.com might not go for that).

  • Fran

    Halloween shares similar themes of contact with the spirit world involving spirits of the dead, fairies, witches, and even the Devil and demon angels.

    It has pagan origins (just Google Halloween origins) and it deeply rooted in ancestor worship. Although viewed mostly as an “American holiday,” more countries have been adopting it.

    Many Wiccans, who follow Celtic rituals, call Halloween by the ancient name of Samhain and consider it the most sacred night of the year. “Christians don’t realize it, but they’re celebrating our holiday with us. . . We like it,” stated the USA Today, when quoting a professed witch.

    Celebrations like Halloween are in conflict with Bible teachings and God’s view of it. (Deuteronomy 18:10,11, The Jerusalem Bible; Leviticus 19:31; Galatians 5:19-21).

    I refuse, as a Christian, to have anything to do with it, and I will be away from my house when it takes place.

  • Mikehorn

    The resistance to Halloween always baffled me. Like people who don’t like scary movies. Fine, don’t watch them. But the rest of us enjoy them a great deal, the thrill of a little fright, some candy, seeing cool costumes or some really great decorating. And, of course, candy. Spiked cider for adults.

    Really, just do your thing and don’t spoil everyone else’s fun.

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  • Fran

    It is God’s opinion on this that matters the most, since He knows what is best and worst for us; and not “our idea” of having fun, dressing in costume concerning themes of spiritism, and providing candy to complete strangers.

    One also had to worry if, in this crazy world of ours, anyone would inject drugs into candy that is provided to others. I remember, as a kid, someone having injected a razor blade into an apple. It is not exactly a “safe” holiday in physical and godly ways.

    Also, in today’s world, there is a plethora of movies, books, and TV programs that promote spiritism, poltergeists, fortune-tellers, paranormal activity, psychics, haunted houses, “dead men walking,” witches (Harry Potter), zombies, etc. Halloween fits into this picture perfectly as well. I will continue to consider it “Satan’s holiday,” which many people in today’s world consider as just “having fun.”

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  • Ben in oakland

    And THAT, dear Fran, is the difference between you and many, many people in the world.

    Everything for you is fraught with spiritual consequences, even just having a party. Even just dressing up as things we know don’t exist and never have existed.

    Everything is a razors edge to be trod on with bare feet. One little “owwwww!” Is enough to send you over the edge and into the pit.

    Because everything we do and everything we are is so awful that God had to kill himself, to sacrifice himself to himself to make up for his own lack of foresight.

    It is such a strange vision of a god “who so loved the world…”