Ramping up the War on Christmas

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Poinsettia

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Poinsettia

Poinsettia

Poinsettia

Now that Chanukah is over (and thanks, Secret Maccabee, for that rare edition of Ben Carson’s Gifted Hands), I can turn my attention to the War on Christmas, which I’m sorry to say is reaching DEFCON 4 threat level. Of course, we can be thankful that 35 Republican Members of Congress have introduced a sense-of-the-House resolution “that the symbols and traditions of Christmas should be protected for use by those who celebrate Christmas.” But truthfully, those Congressfolk do not appreciate the magnitude of the “attempts to ban references to Christmas” of which they disapprove.

Recently I procured the latest five-point plan from the Freedom from Christmas Foundation (FFCF) and, believe me, it’s scary reading. Here’s the Executive Summary.

  1. Flower of Evil. While wreaths, holly, yule logs, and decorated trees refer to Christmas, these pagan flora are benign compared to the poinsettias that proliferate like crabgrass this time of year. A native of Mexico, where it is associated with a little girl’s gift to the Baby Jesus, the noxious plant was brought to the U.S. in the 1820s by Joel Roberts Poinsett, our first ambassador to that country. Its flowers symbolize Christ’s blood. Our biological weapons team will disfigure them with a plague of bacterial cankers.
  2. The Puritan Heritage. The Pilgrim fathers loathed Christmas and banned its celebration. In fact, it could be argued that their little Errand Into the Wilderness was all about getting away from the Yuletide celebrations of Merrie Olde England, for which they found no biblical warrant. The FFCF History Division will rewrite our children’s textbooks to expound this important lesson from America’s religious past.
  3. No Room at the Inn. Poor, dispossessed refugees with no place to stay totally remind people of the Manger Event. Walls, anti-immigrant legislation…our congressional lobbying arm will bend every effort to make sure there’s no such reminder.
  4. Project White-Out. Even people in Mobile and L.A. dream of a White Christmas. The way to kill the dream is by undermining those who would stop climate change, especially Christmas apologists like Pope Francis. FFCF Disinformation will keep the U.S. from acting on the recent Paris Agreement — not a difficult task. Within a couple of decades global temperatures will reach two degrees celsius above pre-industrial levels and there won’t even be white Christmases in Greenland.
  5. War on Earth, Ill Will to Men. Anger is on the rise around the world. Bring it on! Our X-Xmas Super PAC will help put a Republican in the White House.

Now you know.

  • cken

    In some ways I am glad there is a war on Christmas or more generally the war of secularism against religion. Why? Because far too many Christians have become comfortable, content, and complacent. It is good for us to be tested. It will separate the chaff from the wheat as it were. Our faith and our resolve can only be strengthened when we are tested. I wonder if we had to assume the risk the Chinese do just to go to church how many would actually attend. And yet Christianity is growing faster in China than almost anywhere else in the world. It shames me to say I don’t know how I would respond.

  • drwho13

    “…Christianity is growing faster in China than almost anywhere else in the world.” It’s growing rapidly in many 3rd world countries.

    Is the movie “Spotlight” going to open in China? That wouldn’t be good for
    evangelism.

    I don’t believe they’re aware of Cardinal Law, and many others like him. He’ll be having a great Christmas and New Years in Rome. He loves parties and fine food. Now New York City’s Cardinal Dolan is having a problem with allegedly covering for a priest who stole hundreds of thousands from the RCC to provide for his SMBD male lover (a good Christan men).

    As for China, life as hard over there, and religion thrives under harsh conditions. I agree with you; “…far too many Christians have become comfortable, content, and complacent.” If North Korea or ISIS knocks out our power grid on Christmas eve, watch the number of people turning directly to God. And, they wouldn’t tuning to him through worthless “Christian leaders” such the RCC…

  • cken

    Human beings will do human things. I don’t believe any one denomination is better or worse than another. In the end all are Christians. They are our brothers and sisters in God. But then so are the Hindus and Muslims. They are all our “neighbors”. To denigrate one another is to denigrate ourselves.

  • drwho13

    I’m all for people of goodwill (ethical people) who embrace any religion, or no religion. But, some denominations cover the evil deeds of their leaders to a greater degree that others, because they have the resources to do so, protecting their image. Those individuals should be exposed, removed, and punished.

    Roman Catholicism happens to be my religion, so I’m particularly hard on her evil leaders (cleaning my house first).

  • Debbo

    Hahahahahahahaha! Thanks Mark. That’s a perfect antidote to the war on Xmas silliness.

  • Fran

    Thank goodness that pagan and commercialized man-made tradition with its lies (including Santa Claus) is almost over with… Hurry up December 26th!! ❤️?

  • Fran

    Yeahhhhhhhhhh! It’s finally over! ❤️?☝