(RNS) How do The Donald and Lyin’ Ted match up against the Son of God? As the two bloviating egotists vie for the Republican “religious vote,” you can judge for yourself how their words compare to the man.
Pick A or B for the statement you think is closest to the teachings of Jesus, then see who wins “Most Like Jesus!” Grab your pencils, and good luck.
1) You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.” But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
- A. “Under no circumstances will Iran be allowed to acquire nuclear weapons. If the ayatollah doesn’t understand that, we may have to introduce him to his 72 virgins.”
- B. “I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? We’re not allowed to punch back anymore. … I’d like to punch him in the face.”
2) Put your sword back in its place … for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.
- A. “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK? It’s, like, incredible.”
- B. “I’ll take the votes of everyone who likes machine guns and bacon.”
3) Do to others as you would have them do to you.
- A. “Under the law, torture is excruciating pain equivalent to losing organs and systems. (Waterboarding) does not meet the generally recognized definition of torture.”
- B. “I’d bring back a hell of a lot worse than waterboarding.”
4) I was a stranger and you welcomed me.
- A. “These are people that shouldn’t be in our country. They flow in like water.”
- B. “We can build the fence. We can triple the border patrol. We can end sanctuary cities by cutting off funding to them. We can end welfare for those here illegally.”
5) Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you did it to me.
- A. “(The) idea that we should bring tens of thousands of Syrian Muslim refugees to America — it is nothing less than lunacy.”
- B. “We have no idea who these people are. We are the worst when it comes to paperwork. This could be one of the great Trojan horses.”
6) Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
- A. “It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.”
- B. “I want to remind you of the promise of Scripture. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Iowa has proclaimed to the world: Morning is coming. Morning is coming.”
7) “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
- A. “The American people want to see leadership in this country. They want to see America win again.”
- B. “We’re gonna make our country rich again. We’re gonna make our country great again, and we need the rich in order to make the great.”
Answer key: Whether you picked a majority for Cruz: “A” for odd-numbered verses and “B” on even, or the opposite choices for Trump, God help us all.
(Guthrie Graves-Fitzsimmons writes The Literalist, a twice-weekly satirical news column for RNS. His writing on faith and public policy has appeared in Sojourners, The Washington Post, Texas Tribune and other publications. Follow him on Twitter at @guthriegf)