Florida bans one-piece swimsuits

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Women dressed in bikinis pose for a photographer on Sydney's Bondi Beach September 26, 2007. 1010 bikini clad women posed on Australia's iconic beach setting a Guinness world record for the largest swimsuit photo shoot. Photo courtesy of REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

Women dressed in bikinis pose for a photographer on Sydney's Bondi Beach September 26, 2007. 1010 bikini clad women posed on Australia's iconic beach setting a Guinness world record for the largest swimsuit photo shoot. Photo courtesy of REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. (RNS) Nothing screams “wet and wild” less than a modest, one-piece swimsuit covering the entire midsection of a woman’s body. Fearing the loss of their sunny and carefree identity, several beach towns in Florida have banned all swimwear for women other than bikinis.

“If you don’t want to live the way we do, don’t come,” said Daytona Beach Mayor Derrick Henry, the first local leader to push through a ban. “This is the soul of Florida that is in question.”

A growing group of all-male mayors across the Sunshine State have joined the bikini crusade. City-sponsored “strip-a-thons” have taken place up and down the Florida panhandle, while #Undress4Florida has become a trending topic on social media.

“Florida does not hide its women away,” said Panama City Beach Mayor Mike Thomas, who expanded his town’s mandatory bikini law beyond the beach to include all city-owned property. He warned that all religious groups who caution women to be modest in public are “based on the enslavement of women.”

“A large black outfit has no place on the beach or in the water,” said Naples Mayor Bill Barnett at a press conference where he held up a hot pink bikini as a demonstration of ideal attire. He and other male mayors have given free license to local male cops to forcibly remove the midsections of women’s swimwear while they relax on the beach.

“In the great state of Florida, we pride ourselves on the right of our women to show as much of their bodies as possible,” said Pensacola Mayor Ashton Hayward.  “Showing cleavage is a right, not a risk, and we will enforce that right by law if necessary.”

(Editor’s note: When you replace “Florida” with “France,” the quotes are real.)