(RNS) Shalom and Shana Tova. I want to wish my fellow Jewish Americans a happy new year and encourage you to only dip GMO-free apples in honey. The High Holy Days are a time for us and our hopefully vaccine-free children to reflect on what the new year will bring.
For my own part, I have looked back upon this past year of running for president and considered my chances of becoming commander in chief. My chances are nonexistent.
Will I drop out of the race? Of course not. Like you, I am human and have an ego. I’m here to stay on Twitter and standing outside Hillary Clinton events for the next five weeks. It’s likely you know and wish to know little about me, but let me persistently introduce myself to you against your wishes.
Perhaps you are surprised reading this to learn I’m Jewish, a heritage I share with that certain senator who consistently argues for my values in a much more convincing and persuasive manner. You might also be surprised to learn I’m a physician since I continually cast doubt on medical science. Although I did recently claim there’s “a lot of snake-oil in this [medical] system,” let me confess now that I didn’t mean those words. They were simply meant to stoke my base of the kooky left.
Perhaps the one thing you need to know about me is that in some polls I’m garnering a whopping 5 percent. That’s enough to spoil the election for Hillary, even without the help of the Libertarian candidate, Gary “I’m Having an Another Aleppo Moment” Johnson.
So that’s me in a nutshell: Dr. Jill the Anti-Vaxxer, second-rate socialist who will never be president and might just enable the Donald.
I’m reminded, though, this Rosh Hashanah, that this holiday is not just a time to celebrate, but a chance to start over.
I hope you will let me begin this campaign again, America. I will henceforth campaign with two goals: continue championing my issues and values; and for a change, encourage you to vote for the candidate with a reasonable chance of winning and most aligns with your issues and values.
If you in good conscience decide that candidate is me? Wonderful! But if you live in reality, it’s much more likely the other woman.