c. 1996 Religion News Service

(Rabbi Eli Hecht is vice president of the Rabbinical Alliance of America. He is the director of Chabad of South Bay in Lomita, Calif., and has been involved in counseling and outreach programs for more than 25 years.)

(UNDATED) Friendships come in many forms. Some people consider their teachers, partners or spouses to be their best friends. In the Bible, there is the friendship of Ruth and Naomi (“Wither thou goest, I will go,”Ruth told her mother-in-law.”If aught but death part thee and me.”)

In friendship there is trust, altruism and the sharing and caring for one another. These qualities also are found in marriage. However, in a marriage there is an extra bond: the union of souls and bodies. The fusion of two people becoming one gives an energy that neither person can achieve without the other. This energy adds a sense of well-being. The married man and woman merge into a new dimension of understanding and dynamic growth.

According to traditional Jewish belief, all of the animals were created separately, male and female. However, man was created first and from him was created woman.

Had woman been created separate from man, the Jewish sages tell us, then the two would always remain separate, never achieving a true harmony. Since woman was created from man, they reason, the possibility exists for woman and man to become one. She returns to her source, completing humankind. When completed in marriage, male and female become imbued with new energy, soaring to unlimited heights.

Can friendship achieve the same? Can two people of the same gender reach a higher state of growth and energy in friendship?

Yes _ and, I believe, at times friendship can succeed even more than marriages. New dimensions can be achieved.

It was once considered normal for unmarried people of the same sex to share their lives. I know many young men and women today who share the rent, food and friendship with roommates of the same sex. They are happy individuals with a need for companionship. What happens to their friend is of paramount importance. They care for each other when sick or in good health. If their friend needs emotional or financial support, they go out of their way to help.

Yet, they don’t ask for benefits reserved for heterosexual couples. They are happy living a good life, full of expression. If and when they feel a need for a new, exciting dimension, they will marry people of the opposite sex, living out God’s master plan.

This dimension cannot be reached nor achieved by same-sex marriage. Just as a mother-son or father-daughter incestuous marriage is wrong, as stated in the Bible, and nobody has yet challenged that prohibition, so I believe same-sex marriage does not conform to God’s plan. When true friendship endures without homosexual acts, the friendship grows and, at times, becomes more than a friendship or a marriage between male and female.

There are some males who do not want to get married. They may feel intimidated and threatened in a sexual encounter. They simply are more comfortable around men. Some feel inadequate, while others don’t know how to act around women. They choose a male companion for friendship but not for sexual activity. For those men, the choice to live a gay lifestyle and form a friendship that includes the homosexual component would be wrong.

The argument that same-sex marriage fulfills the needs of friendships is false. You can care, love, support and grow with your friend without homosexual activity. That’s friendship.

Marriage between male and female adds new dimensions. Marriage between same-sex individuals simply does not. Think for a moment what would happen if the friendship grew and the sexual acts were absent _ what a perfect friendship the people would have.

Heterosexuals enjoy friendships and marriage. Homosexuals have friendships without marriage. After all, marriages are ordained by God. Without God’s blessings, a marriage has a hard time. How much more so for a homosexual marriage.

I believe that the recent action of Congress not to recognize same-sex marriage is correct. Nobody’s rights are taken away when you don’t grant same-sex unions the benefits of marriage. Such benefits were created for married males and females only.

Please don’t call me names. I am not homophobic. Don’t insult me for speaking my mind. I also have the right to defend the ethical code I believe in. I respect the rights of individuals. We must help individuals achieve growth and a satisfying life. But we must not destroy the idea and sanctity of marriage in the name of the needs of gay lifestyles.

That would ruin a lot of friendships.

MJP END HECHT