More than anyone else, it’s Mainline Protestants, according to a new survey from the Public Religion Research Institute. Sixty percent of them, to be exact. The explanation, PRRI’s research director Daniel Cox tells our own Lauren Markoe, is that Mainline Protestants “tend to be older and be in longstanding relationships, and both those things are negatively correlated with having sex on Valentine’s Day.”

Now wait just a minute, Daniel. Isn’t that putting the, ah, cart before the horse? Why do Mainline Protestants tend to be older?  It’s because there are fewer Mainline Protestant children, of course. And why are there fewer Mainline Protestant children? Because Mainline Protestant adults are having less sex.

Meanwhile, the group with the greatest expectation of sex on Valentine’s Day is the Nones. As in 57 percent of them. And which is the fastest growing group on the American religious scene today? Why, the Nones.

I rest my case.