Frozen – Photo by Katie Strandlund via Flickr (http://bit.ly/1cCf2oU)

It’s like playing The White Album backwards, only this time the message isn’t hidden and you can see it all unfold before you for $12 at your local movie theater. Or so say Kevin Swanson and Steve Vaughn, radio show hosts in Colorado who had a lot to say on their March 4th show about the homosexual undertones (overtones?) of the Disney movie Frozen. Neither of them have actually seen the movie, you see, but they are pretty sure Satan is behind it. Swanson, who is also a pastor, wondered whether parents knew what they were in for:

“Friends, this is evil, just evil. I wonder if people are thinking: ‘You know I think this cute little movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way.’ I wonder if the average parent going to see Frozen is thinking that way. I wonder if they are just walking in and saying, ‘Yeah, let’s get my five-year-old and seven-year-old indoctrinated early.’”

This theory appears to propped up on three legs: One, that the film was made by Disney, “one of the most pro-homosexual organizations in the country.” Two, that the film’s now-ubiquitous anthem, “Let It Go,” is a coming-out song. And three, that the Kristoff character has an “unnatural relationship” with his reindeer pal, Sven.

Let’s set aside, for one moment, the fact that being gay is not something into which people are “indoctrinated.” The question I really want to ask is why some people are so eager to read a “gay agenda” into a film they have never seen, and into a company whose movies are widely regarded as some of the best, most kid-friendly films of our age. It seems strange that they would even bring up this issue when their theories are spurious at best; like they are determined to see threats everywhere. And perhaps they are.

So, the first question: Is Disney “one of the most pro-homosexual organizations in the country?” Well, I don’t know how you would measure these things, but I would guess that maybe GLAAD or Lambda Magazine or the Connecticut Gay Men’s Chorus would top Disney on that list. But, sure, Disney does have Gay Days each year in June, which has become one of the largest gay pride events in the world. Through its VoluntEARS program, Disney employees can volunteer their time in exchange for a donation to a charity of their choice — although, as of 2015, donations will no longer be made to the Boy Scouts of America because of their policy banning gay Scout leaders. And the Disney Channel original show Good Luck Charlie just featured the network’s first gay couple. There you have it. Disney acknowledges that gay people exist and wants them to enjoy their park.

To their second point, Swanson and Vaughn opine that the Elsa character must be gay because she doesn’t really have any serious male suitors. I guess I thought this was a plus in a Disney film, that for once, the story didn’t only have to be about the girl settling down with the guy at the end. But because they think Elsa is gay, Swanson and Vaughn also suggest that “Let It Go” is her coming out song. It does contain the lyrics, “I am gay, la la la,” so I can see where they would get that idea.

Oh, wait! It doesn’t? It’s a song about a girl rejecting the strictures of a society that told her she needed to look and act a certain way in order to be acceptable? It’s about letting go of your fears, not declaring a sexual orientation? Hmm. Interesting.

As to their claim that the film promotes bestiality because of Kristoff and Sven’s “unnatural relationship,” I’m not sure what to say. Have Swanson and Vaughn ever seen a Disney movie? They are filled with unnatural relationships between humans and animals. Aladdin and Apu. Mowgli and Baloo. Ursula and her eels. Ariel and Sebastian. A mermaid and a lobster crab? That’s waaaay more unnatural than a guy and a reindeer.

People will continue to root around and try to find evidence of what scares them. To many conservative Christians, what they perceive as the gay agenda is a real, threatening thing. I couldn’t disagree more, but that won’t stop a lot of people from seeing what isn’t there at all.