Satan in Inferno, as imagined by Gustave Dore’s illustration. Image via Wikimedia Commons (http://bit.ly/1iWIvbM)

In case you’ve been living anywhere other than San Francisco this weekend, you may not have known that a local radio station has been playing Nelly’s “Hot in Herre” for three days straight. What might be some people’s particular version of personal hell has actually been one of my favorite reprieves from scanning the radio to see what’s on — usually between oldies and NPR. But as #Nelly1057 started trending on Twitter Friday night and cars drove by blasting the 2002 hit, San Francisco started to feel like on giant party. Everyone was talking about it — which is exactly what the radio station wanted. What was formerly Latino 105.7 will become Hot 105.7, focusing on rap and hip-hop. The publicity stunt, like all good things, will come to an end today at 5pm, and I will be listening all the way down.

I’ve been re-reading Dante’s Inferno at precisely the same time as this song has been my ever-present soundtrack, so I’ve taken the liberty of introducing Mr. Alighieri to Nelly in this mashup, “Hot in Helll.” 

Hot in…..
So hot in HELL…..
So hot in…..

[Satan]
I was like, good gracious sin’s bodacious
Voracious, flames eatin’ your faces
Lookin for the right time to call Dante (you know)
Lookin for the right time to condemn you for Heresy
Nonbelievers, never leavin’
You and the rest of your heathens
Check it, got you locked up for one of nine reasons
Limbo, lustin’, gluttonous eatin’
Greed, wrath and heresyin,’ violence, fraud, then treacheryin’
I need you to burn up up on the dance floor
Gehenna ain’t a dream no more
Cuz I feel like bustin loose and I feel like punishin’ you
And cant nobody stop the Sheol so baby tell me whats the use

Its gettin hot in hell (so hot)
So take off all your clothes

I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off

Stop pacin’, time’s wastin’
The Devil’s waitin’ with Judas in the basement (What?)
He’s just a beast with three faces (Oh)
Freezin’ in the ice
Extra, extra eh, spread the news
Don’t let your understanding of sin be jejune
Virgil came from Beatrice to be like, “I’ll help you;”
“Abandon all hope” cuz you’ll die real soon

Its gettin hot in hell (so hot)
So take off all your clothes

I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off

(Leave your proposed lyrics in the comments, if you’re so inclined — especially if you have a good one for the “I think my butt’s gettin’ big!” line.)