From the Onion: Amish Woman Knew She Had Quilt Sale The Moment She Laid Eyes On Chicago Couple
LANCASTER, PA _Repeatedly referring to them as “easy money,” Amish quilt shop proprietor Mary Stolzfus, 43, said Monday that as soon as she noticed Tom and Helen Foreman’s matching Chicago Cubs baseball hats, she knew she’d be able to move three, possibly four quilts. “One look and it was ‘Choo choo! Here comes the money train, right on schedule,'” said Stolzfus, adding that she ordered her daughters to “put on a little dog and pony show” for the easy marks by having them sing the traditional Amish song “In Der Stillen Einsamkeit.” “These rubes are all the same: give ’em a little ‘no electricity’ this, and some ‘butter churn’ that, and cha-ching, you’ve got enough barn-raising money to last you a month.”