It seems to me these days we have an epidemic of pastors having affairs. After Tullian Tchividjian confessed his second affair and was let go from his second church, I wonder if it’s simply a lack of imagination that keeps most pastors from committing other sins. Sure, we all struggle with lust from time to time, but aren’t there different temptations worth giving into if you’re going to lose your job? Something more, well, original?
“I forgot to honor the Sabbath and keep it holy; please accept my resignation.”
“I ate some fish, I don’t know what kind but it would definitely be one of those ‘whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the water.’ Sin runs deep.”
“I stole candy from the grocery store bulk bins when no one was looking. I sincerely regret the pain I caused my congregation and I find my hope in the fact that I serve a God who has power over the future.”
“I coveted my neighbor’s smokin’ hot wife. I didn’t sleep with her, but I did call her ‘smokin’ hot,’ which the Bible says is a term that should only be used for your own wife. I am a sinner saved by grace.”
“I’m an arrogant asshole, and I finally realized it. I’m not resigning, just letting you know that I know.”
“I murdered my kid’s hamster. I’m not even sorry.”
“I mated different kinds of animals. On the plus side: Labradoodle!”
“I am not even a human! I am a dog, and you haven’t noticed for years! I am a good boy!”
A suggestion from friend Jaya Saxena:
https://twitter.com/jayasax/status/712324403053387776
And, as always, Eddie Izzard reminding us that we can always poke badgers with spoons: