Sony Christmas film to feature Jesus as a lamb

There's a new Christmas movie being made, but with a twist: the cast are all cartoon animals. What would Jesus look like as a lamb? And where's the outrage over this depiction?

Baa! Says baby Jesus | Photo by lovecatz via Flickr (http://bit.ly/Z8HDgc)
Baa! Says baby Jesus | Photo by lovecatz via Flickr (http://bit.ly/Z8HDgc)

Baa! Says baby Jesus | Photo by lovecatz via Flickr (http://bit.ly/Z8HDgc)

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised–this is, after all, the “year of the Bible.” And it’s not like the story of Jesus’s birth hasn’t been told before, but the news that Sony will be making an “all-animal cast” version of the Christmas story has me scratching my head…and not from fleas. (Sorry! I had to.)

The film, called The Lamb, is certainly making its debut at the right time. From Noah to Son of God to God’s Not Dead, 2014 has seen more than its share of Bible/Christian stories made into films. And while some of them have featured animals, none, as far as I know, have cast one in a starring role.


In the evangelical subculture, where Christians are often obsessed with portraying God in a way that lines up with their own beliefs (which are themselves varied), I wonder whether there will be any outrage about having our Lord and Savior portrayed as a lamb. Christian bloggers get up in arms when someone calls God “Mother” or writes from the perspective of God, as in Jesus Calling–can you imagine the furor that is sure to be unleashed when this film drops and the Sermon on the Mount is being delivered by a baby ovine?

Yeah, me neither. My best guess is this film will pass muster–which is fine by me!–because it is family-friendly. As far as I know, Veggie Tales has never made Jesus into, say, an animated okra, but they’ve portrayed a number of Bible characters as vegetables. Is it okay because it’s for kids, and kids don’t know? Is it okay because they are creating a graven image of God, but it’s a vegetable, so it’s too silly to take seriously? Or is it okay because our outrage is selectively applied to those whose political views we disagree with?

I don’t know. But do you know what sounds like a lot more fun than discussing that for the fiftieth time? No? Okay, I’ll tell you: Let’s guess who, in the story of Jesus’s birth, would be what animal!

Jesus, obviously, is a lamb. Lambs, by definition, are only lambs for a year before they become sheep, so it will be interesting to see how they handle that one. I envision him being unable to stop baa-ing when he talks, so that the Sermon on the Mount would go something like, “Blessed are those who-baa!-mourn, for they shall be-baa!-comforted.”

I guess that means Mary is a sheep, too–a ewe!–because we all know inter-species birth is not feasible.

The wise men would be owls. Instead of frankincense and myrrh, they would bring dead barn mice and little scraps of trash.

The shepherds would be this terrified red panda, on seeing the host of angels singing to them from the sky:

In a strange reversal of roles, the barn animals would be people.

Herod would be a cow, or a manatee. He’s always struck me as a large man, and slightly stupid.


It only seems right that Joseph is a golden retriever. Friendly, unthreatening, intelligent, and loyal. The angel who appeared to him would be an otter, who had to leave really quickly because he couldn’t stay out of the water for too long.

Who am I missing? Who would you add?

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