Exploring the impact of toxic theology on loss and bereavement

In many religious traditions, it is believed that God is responsive to the needs of believers, and in difficult times, the faithful turn to God for comfort and guidance. But when God is viewed as a benevolent protector that can shield us from harm, what happens to faith — and healing — when God fails to provide that protection? How do we make sense of the cognitive dissonance that occurs when beliefs don’t match up with actual lived experience? That tension is even more pronounced when we are taught as children to respond to all problems with prayer and faith, but in the process, we fail to develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

These questions and more will be addressed at The Conference on Death, Grief and Belief, which will be held in Portland, OR., July 15 – 17, 2022. Conference presenters include psychologists, educators, theologians and grief counselors who will be tackling a range of issues related to spiritual beliefs that cause psychological harm when coping with loss, trauma and bereavement.  

The conference was founded by Dr. Terri Daniel, a Portland-based inter-spiritual hospice chaplain and educator whose work focuses on unpacking religious beliefs and spiritual concepts that can be harmful when processing loss and grief.

“Doctrines such as divine retribution and heaven vs. hell can be soul-crushing for someone dealing with loss and trauma,” says Dr. Daniel.[1]  “Similarly, the belief that prayer can change the course of events can lead to confusion and guilt when prayers don’t produce the desired results.”

Dr. Daniel cites the following examples:

• A grieving mother believes that her child’s death from leukemia was a punishment from God because she’d had an abortion 20 years earlier.
• The family of a man who died by suicide experiences complicated grief because they believe he is in hell, and they will never be able to see him in the afterlife.
• A patient who received a life-threatening diagnosis experienced extreme anxiety because he believes he is a sinner and is afraid of eternal punishment. 
• A family with a child dying of brain cancer prayed fervently for the child to recover. They refused to discuss hospice care with the medical team, because if they acknowledged the inevitability of death, God would know that their faith wasn’t strong enough.

“Our conference speaks to those who have rejected these toxic teachings in favor of more empowering spiritual options,” Dr. Daniel explains. “A healthy engagement with a spiritual dimension — through meditation, ritual or community liturgy — should produce a positive effect on emotional health and well-being. But for many people, childhood religious indoctrination and the image of God as a punishing father figure can be terrifying and psychologically damaging.”

Daniel’s observations align with current research on religiosity in America, as increasing numbers of people abandon specific religious traditions in favor of identifying as “Spiritual but Not Religious” (SBNR). Back in 1955, roughly 95% of Americans identified as either Catholic, Protestant or Jewish,[2] with the 1950s often characterized as “the high tide of civic religion.”[3] But in 2021, statistics from the Pew Research Center show that only 63% of the U.S. population identifies as Christian, which is 12 points lower than it was ten years earlier.[4] Similarly, a 2021 Gallup Poll reported that membership in a church, synagogue or mosque dropped 20 points in the last 20 years, due primarily to an increase in the number of Americans who have no religious affiliation.[5]

While the conference is specifically focused on how religious beliefs influence one’s relationship with loss, trauma and grief, it is also a general forum for anybody who may be questioning an inherited or chosen faith tradition, or simply looking for a more inclusive faith community.

WHAT:             The Conference on Death, Grief and Belief

WHEN:            July 15 – 17, 2022

WHERE:          Sheraton Portland Airport Hotel, Portland, OR.

WEB:                https://deathgriefandbelief.com

CONTACT:     [email protected] – 971-236-1541

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ABOUT DR. DANIEL

Dr. Terri Daniel is an inter-spiritual hospice chaplain, end-of-life educator, and grief counselor certified in death, dying and bereavement by the Association of Death Education and Counseling and in trauma support by the International Association of Trauma Professionals.  She conducts workshops throughout the U.S. and teaches at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, California. Terri  is also the founder of The Conference on Death, Grief and Belief,  and the Ask Doctor Death podcast. She is also the author of four books on death, grief and the afterlife.

Over the years Terri has helped hundreds of people learn to live, die and grieve more consciously. Her work is  acclaimed  by hospice professionals, spiritual seekers, therapists theologians, and academics worldwide.

Terri has a BA in Religious Studies from Marylhurst University, an MA in Pastoral Care from Fordham University, and a Doctor of Ministry in Pastoral Care and Counseling from the San Francisco Theological Seminary.

FOOTNOTES

    [1] https://journals.sagepub.com/eprint/GKSJEVZXUMFNI7QCNUZZ/full

    [2] In Will Herberg’s classic 1955 book, Protestant, Catholic, Jew, the author states, “Almost everybody in the United States today locates himself in one of the three great religious communities… 95 percent declared themselves to be either Protestants, Catholics, or Jews”  (Clayton,2012, Transforming Christian Theology: For Church and Society. Seoul: Faith & Intelligence Press, p. 11).

    [3] Putnam and Campbell described the 1950s as “the high tide of civic religion, with the period from the late 1940s to the early 1960s being one of exceptional religious observance in America (Putnam, R. D., & Campbell, D. E. (2012). American Grace: How Religion Divides and Unites Us. Simon & Schuster. P. 82-83

    [4] About Three-in-Ten U.S. Adults Are Now Religiously Unaffiliated. (2021, December 14). Pew Research Center’s Religion & Public Life Project. https://www.pewforum.org/2021/12/14/about-three-in-ten-u-s-adults-are-now-religiously-unaffiliated/

    [5] Jones, Jeffrey. (2021, March 29). U.S. Church Membership Falls Below Majority for First Time. Gallup.Com. https://news.gallup.com/poll/341963/church-membership-falls-below-majority-first-time.aspx

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Religion News Service or Religion News Foundation.