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Hey Rev!

I don't quite grasp the concept of prayer. Is God really listening to all of us? Or, is it really something we do for our own sake?

- Purpose of Praying?

Dear POP:

Yes.

One of the most tantalizing instructions in all of scripture appears in Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians. There, Paul tells us to, “pray without ceasing.” You don’t have to think too hard about Paul’s instruction to realize that, if what he means by prayer is kneeling and whispering holy words, then he is asking us to do something both absurd and impossible. You might be able to keep up that kind of prayer for a few days, kneeling until your shins got calloused and your voice grew hoarse. But, after not very long, you’d be pretty much desperate to have a shower, eat a hot meal, get some sleep, visit with your friends, and go back to school or work. By “prayer,” therefore, Paul must be talking about something that is compatible with day-to-day life. He must be talking about a practice that, in his case, allowed him to build a bunch of tents and to write a lot of letters, and that, in your case and mine, allows us to live into our own vocations.
I wonder if we could paraphrase and expand upon Paul’s invitation to pray without ceasing by saying something like this:

Pay attention.
Be open to wonder and beauty and possibility.
Keep on learning – about creation, about your neighbor, about God, about yourself.
Search for the truth.
Take holy risks.
Say you’re sorry.
Forgive.
Be quick to love.
Be grateful.
Be ready to act.

If my guess is right — if Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians is inviting us to understand practices such as these as the elements from which prayer is built — then prayer is not a discrete activity, divorced from our regular lives. Rather, prayer is a way of responding to and of engaging with our regular lives. To pray without ceasing is to walk through this world in such a manner as to be receptive to the spark of the divine. Now, that’s not to say that time spent on your knees with sacred words on your lips doesn’t matter. It is to say, however, that what we might call formal prayer is but one of the many ways in which God invites us to pray.

Now, POP, let’s return to your questions. Does God listen (and, I would add, does God participate) when we pray? Yes. In prayer, Jesus invites us to be his friends, to be his disciples, to be his hands and his feet in this broken world. In prayer, Jesus sits with us in our loss and in our love.

Do we pray for our own sakes? Yes. Prayer is all about being fully alive. It is all about being oriented towards that big meaning and that big love which the Christian tradition knows as God. Prayer is all about finding what Frederick Buechner calls that “place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.”

Pray in and through everything you do, POP. Don’t worry too much about praying incorrectly or ineffectively or irreverently; God gets that all of us are new at this. Pray with your heart, with your gut, with your hands, with your mind. Pray without ceasing.

Have a question about life, love, or faith? Post it as a comment or email it to [email protected], or submit your question online privately.

by greeblie/Flickr

Dear Facebook Friend:

I’m so glad that you asked.

Maybe what that Pew survey means is that a name such as “atheist” might be the beginning of a conversation rather than the end of one.

A few years ago, I had the privilege of attending an afternoon workshop with a life coach and transgendered educator by the name of Renata Razza. Razza’s focus that afternoon was on what effective and meaningful ministry with GLBTQ people looks like. He gave my colleagues and me a big bucket of tools from which I draw on to this day. None of those tools were more valuable than a simple but profound piece of advice.

“People,” Razza told us, “are who they say they are.”

In other words, if someone tells you that he is a man, then that’s who he is. If someone tells you that she is a lesbian, then that’s who she is. It is neither helpful nor respectful to start cross-examining such a person to determine if he satisfies your criteria for maleness or if she meets your test for lesbianism. Naming is a vital act for human beings. And honoring the names which people choose for themselves is a profound and empowering act of empathy and of compassion.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that Razza’s words had big implications beyond ministry with GLBTQ folks. Walking with another person during a time of joy or change or learning or loss is made immensely easier when we err on the side of agreeing that such person is who she says she is. Now, that’s not to say that I never dispute the name which someone has chosen for themselves — to the contrary, I will gently but firmly challenge a label such as “unlovable” — but it is to say that we do well when our bias is towards respecting someone’s name or names. If a person says that she is an introvert or a conservative or a feminist or a Christian (or maybe even all of those things), then that’s who she is.

At St. John’s Cathedral in Spokane, where I serve as a pastor, there are two young people in the youth group who both identify as atheists and who pray to God with an inspiring passion and conviction. I guess I could argue with those youth. I could tell them that they aren’t really atheists. I could insist that, just like me, they are Christians who reject the often anti-intellectual, selfish and bigoted narrative of mainstream Christianity in favor of the generous love of the Gospel.

But I don’t do that. I want to respect the name that these two young people have chosen for themselves. I want to be in genuine conversation with them. They say that they are atheists. And, therefore, that’s who they are.

Jesus tells one parable after another about transgressing boundaries, about nurturing a kingdom in which we listen to and love our neighbors, irrespective of the categories which have been imposed upon them or which they have chosen for themselves. Our calling is to do the same. So, let’s not fret too much when we meet an atheist who believes in God. Instead, let’s take such a meeting as invitation into a place of generous curiosity about that person and about her story.

We may be surprised by just how much a prayerful atheist has to teach us.

Do you have a question about ethical decision making, living a faithful life or theology? Leave a comment below or send your question for Martin Elfert to [email protected].